just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
