I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
