I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
