Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
