Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
