Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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