His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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