we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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