Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
