im drinking this country out of the recession.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My vagina just recognized that song.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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