I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
ttyl tear gas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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