I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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