I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
