you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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