I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
