I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize