The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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