Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
