this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
