I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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