covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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