Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize