Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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