i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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