do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
