Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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