Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
