There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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