Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
