I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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