Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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