I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
