dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh god it's open bar.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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