Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
