I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who died my cat blue again?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize