just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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