Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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