Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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