There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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