Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
