i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm passing your future prison.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
