I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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