My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
