his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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