Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
