I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
