Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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