fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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