my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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