I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
