Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
