idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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