Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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