You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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