I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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