I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
