Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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