Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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