I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
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