I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pray to the hookup gods
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
