I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
