Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
