Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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