Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
