whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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