i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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