Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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