i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she told me i tasted like america
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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