Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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