none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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