i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
